My Impractical Hurricane
by MorningHell
Summary: Life lesson number 1. Do not, repeat, DO NOT...develop feelings for your brother in law. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**My Impractical Hurricane – 1**

_Author's Note: Whoops, edited a few errors I saw. And I also realized that my original descriptions were rather misleading. This isn't a one shot, it's the full blown, long, boring, stuff-happens deal. There's like…fifteen chapters, I think? Definitely can't be more than that. Yep, zapped it out in five days. All I really did was eat, drink, and write. Sleep? Yeah right._

_Warnings: Man on man, yadda yadda yadda, lame humor, madness._

* * *

Reed Richards practically collapsed onto his uncomfortably hard couch with a groan, dropping a hand over his forehead tiredly. He was hot. And not in the 'Sue loves how my ass looks in this tight suit' kind of way. No, for all of Reed's brains, studies, and status as the poster boy for super hero science geeks, he had no way to prevent himself from falling victim to the common flu. For the next few moments, he lay deciding firmly to himself that the next project he would take to would be to scrape this benign but truly sinister epidemic from the face of the earth. Then, not only would he be a hero in the genetically mutated, super powered, big scientific whoopsy-daisy sense, but in the world renowned, medical-degree-outstanding-enough-to-hang-on-your-bathroom-wall one as well. For now, however, he would have to settle for lying feebly on his couch, playing a little mental coin toss between throwing up and passing out.

Part of him was glad that he was alone right now. Ben had invited him and Sue to dinner and dancing with Alicia, upon which he had of course declined when he had already felt the beginnings of his sickness that morning. He hadn't caught where it was The Human Torch had headed off to, but it was just as well that the loudest and most ostentatious house mate be absent too. If you had to be sick, it helped to be sick in peace. He had just woken now with a pulsing drumbeat in his head and a stomach doing acrobatics that would put an Olympic gymnast ninja to shame. Smoothing his fingers through his hair, he leaned back and attempted to relax. That was about the moment that the door cracked from down the hall like it was coming off its hinges. Either Sue was coming home angry, Ben was coming home careless, or…

"Honey, I'm home!" sounded a cocksure voice from the front door, and Reed returned a hand over his eyes. So much for peace and quiet. Well if he'd come home to shut himself in his room with his crash metal rock screeching through his walls so loud it made it impossible just to piss straight, as was the norm, he had another thing coming. "Hey, anybody here?"

"In here, Johnny." Reed called back, tossing up an arm in defeat against the fate that conspired against him.

"Oh." As Reed uncovered his eyes, he was met with the face of his soon-to-be brother-in-law staring down at him. "Heya stretch. What's hangin'?" he greeted with a grin.

Reed sighed and eyed up at him through the dark hair that was strewn in his face. "Isn't it kind of early for you to be back?"

"Yeah, I was just gonna tell you this story. See I was with this girl—Cherry, Chelsea, I don't know—and I ran into this other girl from last week and she was saying something about how she needed a buddy to go up surfing on the coast a' Cali next weekend. Well then she sees this CherryChelseaJessica something, but, well it's like this—"

"Okay, okay…" Reed waved a hand. "I'll just take your word for it…"

"Where's Sue and rockhead, huh?" Johnny settled in to hover annoyingly over Reed's exhausted form from the arm of the couch, oblivious to being a nuisance as always.

"Out." Reed answered, reduced to a monosyllable state and thinking that far too much effort itself.

"Out? Out where?"

"I-I don't know, dinner and dancing, I…Something. Somewhere." Reed shrugged and rubbed his temples, unwilling to go into depths he couldn't concentrate on anyway.

Johnny took a long look over Reed with an eyebrow raised calculatingly, observing his sweat-dampened gray T-shirt and leisurely sleeping pants, as well as the hair that was mussed down and lackluster. "You sick?" he cocked his head.

Reed gave him a look and sighed. "Don't I look it?"

"Sure. But then, I don't know—you always have that look on your face." He jabbed. Johnny went to the front of the couch and flopped rudely down to the middle, nearly sitting on Reed's prostrate form and jostling him out of his limp position.

"Johnny-!" Reed coughed out as he drew up into a mostly sitting position, clutching at his stomach and trying to fight the army battling against his gag reflex.

"Hey, hey, sorry!" Johnny leaned away, holding up his hands with a chuckle. "Don't puke on me. It's a new shirt."

"Oh, well, don't let me ruin your night." Reed replied as he winced and rubbed his chest.

Johnny peered over at him and dropped his hands into his lap, pausing. "Hey, you're really sick, huh?"

"Please don't make me prove it." Reed's hand went back to his stomach and he swallowed heavily.

"Well…you want me to like…get you something?" Johnny made an uncomfortable attempt at being serious for a moment.

Reed sat back and sighed, shaking his head. "No, it's okay. Thanks."

"Great. Someone sneezes in this tin can and suddenly everyone's leaking snot. You're gonna get the rest of us sick too, I hope you can live with that."

"Right now, I'm just hoping I live _through_ it." Reed decided.

"Don't worry about that, captain, I can handle the team if you don't." Johnny gave a dramatic salute and rested his arm over the back of the couch.

Despite himself, Reed made an outburst of disbelief. "You?"

"Me?" he repeated.

"No, I mean what makes you think you're first in line for command?"

Johnny smirked devilishly and stretched. "Come on man, who else is there."

Reed snorted, a slow, good-natured smile creeping up on him. "Well first it's Ben…then Sue…then you."

"What?" Johnny made a little jaw drop. "Wideload? _Sue_? So what you're saying is; if I'm the only one left, then I can be the leader?"

Reed thought for a moment. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Hey come on now, you can't mean that." Johnny protested. "I have the best power. Nothin's hotter than fire."

"It's not a contest, Johnny." Reed laughed lightly.

"Not a close one anyway." He said resentfully.

"Well, fire can be contained by a force field…and it can be smothered by a rock." Reed hinted.

"None of _you_ can fly." He insisted. "And fire still melts rubber. I could take you any day."

"Maybe." Reed chuckled and shook his head.

"Oh you wanna go?" Johnny threw out his chest.

"Don't be—hey, Johnny—hey!" Reed yelled out as he was suddenly manhandled into a headlock.

"Come on Mr. Fantastic, let's see what you got!" Johnny laughed as he proceeded to noogie the life out of him.

"Johnny, let go, I'm sick!" Reed snapped, only to be smothered into the other's side. "Mmf!"

"I guess you'd better find a way out then." Johnny continued to taunt him. "My sister fights better than this, come on!"

Reed blindly reached up an arm, hooking it around the back of Johnny's neck and jerking him forward in a motion that successfully toppled them both to the ground in a heap. In that one, sudden movement, they had become children. Two ten-year-old boys wrestling for no real reason other than that someone had started it. "Cut it out, Johnny." Reed demanded, even as he smacked his fist against the younger man's stomach.

"You do the math, Gumby!" Johnny wheezed back, reaching down and pulling up Reed's shirt over his head while he attempted to use an arm to pin him down to the carpet. "I've always been able to whoop Sue, and she's always been able to whoop you. That puts me at the top of the chain."

Momentarily trapped in his shirt, Reed struggled and stretched a hand up to twist one of Johnny's arms in an awkward fashion. "Sorry. This looks more like a rock, paper, scissors thing." He joked.

"Ow! Ow!" Johnny tried to push Reed harder into the ground, half laughing and half yelping in pain. "No way! I'll kick your fantastic-elastic ass!"

Eventually the pain was too much, and Johnny was forced to use his other arm to try and pry Reed's off, in which time Reed raised up. Upon fixing his shirt a little, he grabbed Johnny by the shoulder and tried to roll him onto his front to pin an arm behind his back. To stop this from happening, Johnny wrapped a leg high around one of Reed's, ripping it out from under him and causing him to practically fall on top of him. Unfortunately, Reed's uncalculated fall also forced his knee to drop directly into Johnny's groin. "Shit!" Johnny gasped out, trying to flip over so that he could pummel Reed beneath him as opposed to being trapped under him.

Reed hassled his opponent down until he was straddling him, hitting him lightly across the face once before Johnny's hands were fisted in his shirt and trying to throw him off. Reed knew that he would be useless to prevent it directly, as Johnny was a bit physically stronger than himself, so wrapping his arms in a boneless looking manner around Johnny's, he completely pinned both of those arms to the ground in a helpless splay. This action left them both utterly trapped and unable to continue, but as they were both in hysterics by this point, they hardly had the energy or focus to keep fighting anyway.

"You cheated!" Johnny cried between loud fits of laughter. "You can't use your powers!"

"You never gave me any rules!" Reed returned with a grin.

"Fine! Maybe I'll just turn up the heat a little!"

"You'll burn the whole place down!"

"Then level the playing field!" Johnny started to jerk wildly under Reed's grasp, heaving his pectoral region upwards and flexing his arms hard to try and break an impossible hold.

"Who's whooped who, Johnny? Come on, who's whooped who?" Reed sank into a rarely used competitive attitude, keeping his hold secure.

"No way." Johnny shook his head vehemently.

"Say it!" Reed ordered, squeezing his knees tightly on either side of Johnny's middle and squashing the air out of him.

"God—rrk!" Johnny's eyes crossed for a second, fighting to glare back up at Reed in refusal. "That hurt!"

"You wanted to duke it out, you got it." Reed tightened his hold against Johnny's arms and smirked in satisfaction.

"I'm gonna punch you so hard—" they both started laughing again, Johnny starting to thrash wildly and Reed rather hard pressed to keep him pinned. "Get off!"

"So you can punch me?"

"Yeah!"

"Forget it."

"I'd smoke you in a fair fight!"

"Not only did I beat you, but when I was sick no less. I guess it goes to show, brains beat brawn, hm?"

"If you hadn't kneed me in the jewels—"

"If you hadn't tripped me—"

Suddenly, it happened. There was no provocation, actually, and it was utterly impossible to know who initiated it, but suddenly, someone planted a chaste, quick little peck on someone's lips—and the laughter and struggling dropped to a big, dead and buried, decomposing, worm-eaten, no chance of resurrection through zombification or divine intervention silence…It was so fast in could have even been construed as accidental, but that was left to ambiguity. Two men who had been previously rough-housing in joviality were now staring blankly at one another in shock and mounting horror as though they'd just found themselves smack dab in the middle of a Jerry Springer fiasco.

Johnny was the first to erupt.

As the younger of them jerked back, Reed quickly released his grip and pushed himself up, watching Johnny scramble to his feet clumsily. "What the f—"

"I don't—I mean we didn't—" Reed blurted out unthinkingly, trying to calm the panic that had blossomed in the middle of the room.

"What did you--!"

"I didn't do—"

A very long, naked pause. Another blank sheep stare.

Johnny thrust out a hand, his voice high and squeaking. "I'm not gay! I've been with so many women I can't even—you _know_ how much I love women, you _know_!"

"And I'm marrying your sister!"

Yet another long, gaping pause.

Neither was sure exactly why they were yelling so loud—especially when they were agreeing.

"So so so—th-this never happened! Right? I mean that was, we weren't, I was just—" Johnny made various panicking gestures to Reed, himself, and the spot where they had been.

"Yeah, uh…"

"Great. Goodnight!"

"Uh, goodnight." Reed nodded and both men fled from the room as fast as they could.


	2. Chapter 2

**My Impractical Hurricane – 2**

_I was bored, and since this story is already finished offline, I decided I would post another chapter. It's short. _

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It had been nearly a week since what Reed had dubbed 'that thing that shan't be named'. Five days anyway, which wasn't long enough in his opinion. For the most part, Johnny and Reed had avoided each other, which was considerably easy when they were the two team members who interacted the least to begin with. No one asked questions when Johnny slipped out as soon as Reed entered the room like someone lit a fire under him, because that was how he always moved. Likewise, no one cared to ponder why Reed would get so uncomfortable and stiff—he was always that way, really. Part of him resented that. In any case, Reed was just set to convince himself that the whole thing was silly and never even happened, and that they were really overreacting to some stupid accidental brush of the lips.

That was—until Johnny started showing symptoms of the flu. This made it all very disturbing and real. Johnny denied it of course. Sue would ask him if he was sick and a ridiculously congested Johnny would return with a, "Sick? Hey, I use protection every time." And of course she would roll her eyes and mock gag at the idea of her brother having sex.

"Maybe you caught something from Reed. He's been sick too, you know." Sue suddenly brought up in the kitchen, and Reed nearly spilled his coffee into his lap.

Johnny's hand was frozen on a box of cereal up on a high shelf, staring dumbly at his sister with wide, unblinking eyes. The moment of awkward silence was enough to annoy those who were not in on this little disaster.

"Not exactly an earth-shattering revelation, kid." Ben muttered, glancing at Johnny suspiciously.

Reed felt himself go pale. Sue hadn't even gotten sick—not after Reed insisted that she keep contact to a minimal in order to try and quarantine his flu. It had worked rather well, and he was now mostly over it…save for one little slip up.

"How would I get sick off him, I-I'm never even here. In fact, I've got somewhere to be right now. See you guys later!" and with that, Johnny was whisked once more out of the room by some mysterious appointment.

"Does he seem a little high strung to you?" Sue shrugged with a bit of a confused expression as she turned to Reed and Ben.

"Since the day I met him." Ben answered.

Reed bowed his head and went back to reading his paper.


	3. Chapter 3

**My Impractical Hurricane – 3**

_Ah! Don't kill me, I'm still working on Obdurate Heart, I swear! …Anyway, I can't believe you haven't seen the movie…Will someone make this person watch the movie please? Watch it! I thought it was good—but being an extreme comic book nerd, I guess I could be bias…Thanks for the reviews so far, guys, hope you keep reading._

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Reed eyed over at the clock, wondering where the Hell midnight had gone and what he was still doing awake. He seriously had to stop spending so much time surfing the internet. The Fantastic Four fan website was an interesting find, however. He didn't remember so many cameras going off, but there were an awful lot of pictures. Mostly of Johnny showing off, or Ben looking confused. It made him more than a little crazy when he saw the big, drooling, sex-crazed male forum centered around his fiancé.

_"If only her clothes were invisible."_

_"Can they make that suit tighter?"_

_"Take my poll: what's the Invisible Girl like in bed?"_ So far three hundred and twelve votes for 'wildcat'. Reed seethed silently and contemplated leaving a comment of his own.

_"Dear jackass morons: stop ogling my bride-to-be and get out of your mother's basement so maybe you can find and settle down with a full blown actual real flesh and blood girl of your own. If you refuse to comply with these terms, I will invent a ray of mass impotence and unleash it on this city so that every last one of you perverted hound dogs has no reason to talk about her or any other girl anyway. Thank you. – Mr. Fantastic."_

Of course, he probably shouldn't. Something like that would cause a media circus, wouldn't it? He was a self respecting scientist, not a fifteen-year-old jealous chat room dork. In any case he was blushing like a naked virgin at the sight of his own…mostly…female fanatic sex-crazed fan base. Begrudgingly, it was proven that Johnny's was much larger, but his was large nonetheless. Bigger than Ben's, anyway, which, despite that, had an alarmingly sizeable number of fan girls itself. Shutting off the computer, Reed decided to put it all out of his mind. It was pointless to dwell on fans and critics; there was nothing they could really do anyway.

As he stood, he took another look at the clock and listened for a moment. The others had most likely gone to bed hours ago. He vaguely thought he heard Sue come in and mention something to him at some point. She knew better than to say anything important to him while he was at the computer, so it must've been a brief goodnight. He himself wasn't all that tired. After spending nearly five days conked out over the counter, on the couch, on various parts of the floor, and occasionally his bed from an exhausting illness, he was finally beginning to reacquaint himself with the world of lucid consciousness. Not that completely incoherent delusions weren't a nice place to visit, but this mental state felt more like home.

And then came the shatter. Then the clunk. And the loud, "Whoops! Aha!" Reed grimaced slightly. Heeeere's Johnny. Looks like he had been out all this time after all. He wasn't sure whether he was more concerned about what Johnny had just broken, or getting out of the room before the younger Fantastic teammate made it in there. The decision was made for him as the kid stumbled into the room, laughing maniacally.

Johnny…

Was…

_Drunk._

And not in the had a couple of shots and lost track of time sense, or a few drinks with the co-workers to celebrate the end of a Monday sense. This was flat out straight up full on hardcore suicidal blitzed beyond all reason drunk. He must have been seeing colors heroin addicts only dreamed of at the moment. "Hey!" he greeted loudly, and Reed held up a hand to shush him.

"Quiet, Johnny, everyone else is asleep." He managed calmly.

"Oh! Sorry!" Johnny apologized in the loudest whisper Reed thought he'd ever heard, wiping his mouth with a sleeve.

"What…happened to you?" Reed curled a lip as he eyed Johnny's haphazard dressings and his slump against the door frame.

"I don't know." Johnny was still trying to keep down great wallops of giggles. "I think I just had sex. I don't know."

"Lovely…" Reed grimaced and sighed, at least eased by the fact that Johnny apparently didn't remember their little incident in his current state.

Johnny sneezed and almost fell backwards, pausing and blinking before leaning back against the wall and laughing. "Stretch, man…I feel like _such shit_." He rubbed under his nose and kept laughing.

"Would you keep it down?" Reed bit his lip and stepped a little closer, around to the back of the couch. "Sue's gonna have a conniption fit if she sees you like this."

"Sorry, sorry, I'm quiet." Johnny lowered his hand against the air as if to symbolize his decline in volume. "See? Shhh, Johnny's good."

"Fantastic." Reed rested his hands on his hips and muttered.

"I'm gonna go get a drink. You want one?" Johnny spun around and staggered towards the kitchen, Reed jumping at his heels.

"No no no, no more drinks, Johnny. For Christ's sake, look at you. You've about plastered yourself blind."

"There, so ya see, I'm not there yet…Vodka, Vodka, don't we have…or, at least some schnapps or somethin'?" he continued on.

"Johnny—" Reed clutched him by and upper arm and tried to turn him from the kitchen, only to be received quite violently.

"Hey, get _off_ a'me." Johnny suddenly growled, and Reed stepped off as he saw literal fire burning in Johnny's eyes. Reed let out a breath. Obviously he was going to have to deal with this carefully.

"Okay, relax…" Reed assuaged, holding up a hand. "Now listen to me. You're drunk. On top of which, you're sick, whether or not you want to admit it. Would you lie down please? I'm afraid you're about to drop."

"I'm _not_ sick." Johnny said defiantly. "And I'm not that drunk. I'm walkin', aren't I?"

"Not for long." Reed warned.

Johnny raised his chin and gave a seething glare to Reed, who half expected a fireball to his head at this point.

"Calm down Johnny…don't do anything stupid…" Reed pleaded. Ohh. Then again, bad choice of words.

"Stupid?" Johnny sneered back, then shoved Reed hard against the chest.

Reed wavered a bit in balance before catching himself—and barely catching Johnny around the middle in time as he collapsed, heaving a seemingly impossible amount of vomit over the floor behind the couch. "Whoah, easy!" Reed sputtered as Johnny threw up again, coughing and spitting as he attempted to speak.

"Ohhhh noooo…" he moaned, then laughed weakly.

"Stand up, come on," Reed hoisted him back into a standing position and steadied him. "Don't worry about that, uh…I'll clean it up later."

"Good luck!" Johnny kept cackling.

"Come on, to the bathroom. Before it happens again." Reed ordered, ushering a very unstable Johnny to his room and then to the bathroom residing therein.

"N-I don't have to go." Johnny grumbled and tried to push Reed away, who shoved him towards the toilet anyway.

"Get a hold on yourself. Get that stuff out of your system, I'm surprised you aren't dead."

Before Reed even finished his sentence, Johnny was irking painfully and hurling his guts into the toilet so hard he nearly lost his balance. Reed steadied him with a hand to the shoulder and guided him to his knees, where he proceeded to expel an exorcist-style fountain from his stomach. Reed could honestly say he had never in his life seen someone throw up so much at one time. Coughing, Johnny wiped his mouth and spit in disgust, swallowing hard afterwards. "Damn…"

Reed was kneeling near him, eying him in a concerned and annoyed manner. "Is that it? You okay now?"

With a choke, Johnny was answering, garbling against another flow of vomit and fumbling a hand up to flush. Just as Reed was about to speak, he lurched one more time, and a heaving, drizzle of whitish fluid jetted from his lips in finish. Reed winced and slowly placed a hand to Johnny's back as though fearing a firmer touch would spark off another heave.

"Wow…er…wow." Was all Reed could say. Johnny pitched forward heavily and Reed snatched him by the shoulders, pulling him back. "Hey, don't fall in. Damnit Johnny, you can't just go around…drinking like that…"

Johnny fell against Reed's lap, one arm lax on the floor while the other slung over Reed's thigh and his head rested against Reed's shirt. He groaned loudly in response.

"One of these days you're going to drink yourself to death. That's not a joke. Or you're going to pass out somewhere and something will happen to you. It's not exactly good for our image, either. Can you imagine? Drunken hero burns down shopping mall? If that won't put the pitchforks in their hands, nothing will." Reed looked down, furrowing his brow as he observed Johnny's little hiccups and shivers. Was he…? He was crying…Oh, perfect…

Johnny sniffled a bit and clutched his hand into the material at Reed's stomach. "Reed…I'm sick…" he whimpered.

Reed sighed, uncomfortable and feeling a bit ridiculous as he reached a hand awkwardly to be placed on Johnny's head. "Yeah…I know you are…" A very long moment of silence ensued between them, Johnny lying weakly against Reed's lap and Reed nervously patting his fingers over the base of his skull. He didn't exactly want to deal with this, but part of him was glad he was the one to meet Johnny tonight. Ben might've been too rough with him, which could have resulted in a dangerous fight, and Sue wasn't strong enough to deal with her muscle-brained falling down brother. As much as he didn't like it, he was the best choice. For Johnny's sake, he should be more tolerant, he supposed.

How was it that he always ended up in these situations? Sometimes he hated the obligations that came with being the responsible one. He could count the times he'd gotten drunk on one hand, and even at his worst he hadn't downed near as much as Johnny did on a normal basis. One of these days he was going to do something senseless, he decided. Just…a small thing. Nothing drastic. Nothing…too uncalculated. He cleared his throat and looked down, noting with mild worry that Johnny had passed out. With the amount of puke he'd released, however, Reed knew there couldn't be much alcohol left in his system, so he shouldn't be too alarmed. "And I guess I'm in charge of moving you…" Reed mumbled and shook his head, rubbing a gruff hand at the side of Johnny's head. His hair was awfully soft, Reed thought as he touched light circles over the thin layer of fuzz.

"Johnny?" came a voice, and Reed stiffened as Sue appeared at the door. The scene was most embarrassing.

"Uh…" Reed stated eloquently, gaping up at his fiancé.

"Reed? Oh my God, what happened?" Sue stared at them and slowly went to her knees as well.

"I-it's okay." Reed assured, placing a hand over Johnny's head and holding the other up to try and gesture the flippancy of this occurrence. "He…had a little too much to drink."

Sue went from love-induced stress to supremely annoyed sibling in nothing flat. "Oh Johnny, you stupid idiot!" She smacked his knee hard and he twitched in his stupor. "You don't have to do this, Reed, just let him lie here. He deserves whatever he wakes up to."

"Mm…Don't want to leave him on the cold floor. He's sick. He needs to rest somewhere sensible."

Sue ruffled a hand through her hair and sighed in exasperation. "…Yeah, you're right…okay. Come on. I'll help you get him up." With that, they attempted to stand shakily, dragging a dead-weight Johnny along with them. Reed took one arm and Sue took the other, and with a fair amount of effort, they were finally able to pull him to and deposit him onto his bed. Sue set to work yanking off his shoes and tossing the blanket mostly over him, crossing her arms as she looked down at him. "When he's better, I'm gonna kill him."

"Fair enough." Reed muttered, rubbing the back of his neck as he gazed down at the sleeping figure below him. "You should stay away, you know. You'll catch it too."

"If I didn't catch it from you…" Sue began.

"I'll look after him. I'm already over it, for the most part." Reed wasn't entirely sure why he was offering this. He did want to keep Sue away from this sickness, but he certainly didn't want to baby sit the little hothead.

"Are you sure? I mean I'll probably end up getting it anyway." Sue rubbed one of his shoulders affectionately.

"Don't worry about it. Besides, it'll give me something to do while I get over this. And I can make sure he doesn't get himself into any more trouble. Won't it be nice to have him quiet for a while?"

"You've pulled off a lot of amazing things, Reed." Sue chuckled. "But keep him quiet…? Don't out step your boundaries."

Reed smiled and shook his head. "Right, right…"

"Goodnight Reed." Sue reached up to kiss him on the cheek, then shot a dirty but playful look towards her unconscious brother before leaving. Reed followed shortly, letting out a breath that was something akin to both relief and a whole new exhaustion.


	4. Chapter 4

**My Impractical Hurricane – 4**

_Role model?__ Aww…I'm all teared up now…no, don't look at me! Go! Just go read! I really appreciate the feedback. You guys are awesome._

* * *

One potato, two potato, three potato—floor.

And thusly, as Reed found out, hash browns were not nearly as easy to make as some people had suggested. Perhaps he had gotten a little full of himself. He learned early on in life to make eggs, and he had arrogantly thought, 'What else to breakfast is there?' It was only later that he realized, after factoring in pancakes, waffles, toast, and various other items, that the first meal was not only the most important meal of the day, but also the most dangerous. With a grumble, Reed tossed a towel on it. Right next to the egg he'd dropped, and the coffee he'd spilled.

Admittedly, he was starting to feel a little lonely. He had slept until ten this morning, which was rather early compared to when he usually dragged his sick and feeble body out of bed as of late. It was currently noon, and here he stood making breakfast while Ben and Sue—and most likely Alicia—were out doing various shopping. Ever since this whole super power instant fame thing, Reed couldn't help but notice that such public tasks took hours longer than they used to. If he so much as bought a stick of gum, he was liable to hear about it in the paper the next morning. God forbid Johnny buy condoms or Sue buy tampons without the general public erupting in a volcanic meltdown at the moral seams of society. Reed stayed out of the public eye as much as he could, though that only served to further heighten the hysteria surrounding him. Fans said it gave him some sort of mysterious edge. He remembered fondly a time when he could grab a quick burger at McDonald's without the mothers of America shaming him for his bad example.

He finally managed to fix himself a plate of reasonable breakfast. He thought about making something for Johnny, but in the end, decided that a sick and hung-over stomach could only bare witness to so much. He settled for a plate of plain toast in hopes it wouldn't make him gag. He at least thought Johnny would be waking up by now. He suddenly heard a series of coughs from down the hallway, and confirming his suspicions, a very sick and trembling Johnny emerged from his room. "…Sue?" he called out, his voice husky and cracked.

"Not here." Reed answered back, and Johnny quickly grabbed his head.

"What…? Er…Where're…what time's…" Johnny attempted to get at least one question out, one hand over his forehead as he came trudging into the kitchen.

"The others are out shopping." Reed said quietly, eying Johnny in a wary fashion as the younger sat at a stool against the counter.

"You don't have to yell…" Johnny moaned, thunking his head down onto the counter and rubbing his temples tenderly. "Why are you here…?"

"Someone has to watch you." Reed muttered. "You want some toast? Here." Reed pushed the plate towards him and Johnny slowly rose up a little.

"Ohhhh God…" Johnny whimpered, bowing his head back down again.

"Okay, fine, not now." Reed conceded and pulled the plate back. He paused, palms resting on the counter as he stared at his comrade. "Well…here. Drink some orange juice then." Reed rounded the counter and went to Johnny's side, prodding him and holding the glass out for him to take.

"Get away from me with that…" he moaned, trying to edge away with his head down in his arms.

"Look, Johnny, you've got to at least drink something. After all that happened last night, you need to—"

Johnny suddenly looked up, his hands frozen near his head and his eyes very worried and confused as they met Reed's. The look on his face was enough to shock Reed into silence. What was that all about? Johnny eyed the orange juice, and then Reed again, swallowing. "What do you mean after what happened last night? What happened last night?"

"You don't remember?" Reed blinked. "…Of course you don't. But let me tell you something, I don't ever want to see you that drunk again."

Johnny sneered and took the juice miserably, looking down into the glass at the swirling orange vortex. "Okay, so I had a few…dozen…shots. Shoot me."

"Part of me wanted to…" Reed said as he set two aspirin down next to Johnny's hand.

"Well what happened?" Johnny demanded again, looking up at him with almost angry eyes.

"What do you mean what happened? I put you to bed." Reed shrugged.

"You _what_?" Johnny's grip tightened on his glass.

"Well should I have left you on the floor?"

"What did you do to me?" Johnny ordered, jabbing a finger at him.

"What did I _do_ to you?" Reed threw up one arm incredulously. There were plenty of times where he felt Johnny could use a good whack upside the head. This was one of them.

"Yeah, what did you do?" Johnny downed the aspirin with a heavy gulp of orange juice, a funny sort of look on his face as he swallowed.

"What the Hell are you accusing me of, Johnny?" Reed's temper rose. Well if this wasn't the _last_ time he helped Johnny when he needed it… "You were sick. I took _care_ of you."

"What do you mean _took care_?" Johnny growled back.

"_What_ the _Hell_ do you _mean_ by that?" Reed boomed out, once and for all. "What, you think I took advantage of you or something?" he added sarcastically.

"_Did_ you?" Johnny followed.

Reed's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, staring at Johnny in disbelief. "…You…_can't_…be serious." Was all he could say.

Johnny pushed his glass away indignantly and seethed as he stared up. "How am I supposed to be sure? Y-y-you goddamn kissed me before!"

"_WHAT_?" Reed stiffened up, and he was sure for a second that his eyes had just fallen out of his head. Johnny was blaming _him_? Johnny was blaming _him_! No no no no—No! The _audacity_ to accuse _him_ of initiating that! And what the Hell happened to 'it never happened'? "_You_ were the one who kissed _me_!" Reed retaliated furiously, gesturing a thumb to himself.

"I was _not_!"

"_Yes_ you were!"

"_You_ pinned me to the damn ground! You wouldn't let me up!"

"You're the one who started that _stupid_ wrestling match in the first place!"

"Yeah well I didn't think you were gonna try and switch it up to _tongue_ wrestling!"

"There wasn't even any tongue!"

"Don't sound so disappointed!"

"Don't flatter yourself!"

"It was _you_!"

"It was _you_!"

"It was _you_ and you _know_ it!"

"Johnny, for the love of—" Reed growled and snatched a hand to the back of Johnny's neck, locking lips in an instant and practically shoving his tongue down his throat. The kiss was like something straight out of a hardcore porn video. It was hard, aggressive, and nearly choked the both of them with its force, and all Johnny could do was utterly freeze.

Reed jerked back and tore his hand away, glowering at Johnny angrily. "There! _That_ was me kissing you! Compare and contrast!"

Johnny was gaping back up at Reed like a gutted fish, mouth hanging open and hands frozen into place on the counter and the air respectively. His cheeks were flushed crimson.

Reed's own actions just began to sink in for him, and the anger abruptly dropped out of his face like a baby giraffe dropping out of the womb.

Johnny suddenly bolted from the table, back to his room. A few minutes later, the distinct sounds of vomiting could be heard. Somehow, however, in the back of Reed's seriously screwed up brain, a part of him hoped that just meant the orange juice was disagreeing with him.


	5. Chapter 5

**My Impractical Hurricane – 5**

_Where am I going with this? Utterly nowhere. Don't expect this story to have an underlying moral beyond that which is stated in the summary. :D You guys are cool. Glad you like it so far, hope you still do.

* * *

_

This…is…_not_ the sort of relationship you have with your brother-in-law!

If there was any actual benefit to ripping your own hair out and slamming your head into the wall, Reed certainly would have done it by now. This was some mad, mad, reality show freak fest—that had to be it. Any moment now Ashton Kutcher would leap out from behind the door with a, "Mr. Fantastic, you been _Punk'd_!"

He paced until he was positively dizzy. He had to avoid Johnny at all costs. Well, this was one of his laboratories; he would never have a reason to come in here. Damnit, that wasn't true. Johnny had a neat little habit of barging into anywhere he didn't belong. Such as people's offices, people's bedrooms, people's pants…Or Reed's arms, or his lap, or his lips, and—Ahhh! This was all so wrong. This was all so very, very wrong. Just what was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to function? He was going to marry Sue, sure, but then you have the family reunions, the sibling hang outs, and oh, yeah—the being on a super hero team together thing. He couldn't get away from this. So what options did that leave him with? Confrontation? _He_ couldn't even process the situation, he couldn't imagine what the others would do if they found out.

He was startled out of his inner headless chicken panic when there was a knock at his door. Oh if ever a sweet and merciful lord existed, let it be Ashton Kutcher… "Come in." Reed said calmly.

The door opened to reveal Sue, who eyed him and smiled. "Hey there. What've you been doing hiding in here all day?"

"Who's hiding? Just…rearranging some things." Reed lied easily, aimlessly straightening out a stack of important looking papers.

"Well I made some lunch…you know, if you can spare the time." She offered.

"Sounds great." Reed nodded, casually following her out the door and into the kitchen.

"You know," Sue started as they walked. "I'm really worried about Johnny…"

Reed felt light-headed. "…Really?"

"Yeah, he hasn't gotten out of bed all day. I mean I know he's sick, but that's never stopped him before. And he's a lot more…violent than usual."

"I guess…the flu effects us all a little different. Sometimes I get a little snappy when I'm sick too." Reed attempted to justify the situation.

"You?" Sue laughed outright and Reed lowered his head sheepishly. "Sorry Reed, but I don't think I've ever seen you really temperamental before."

"Well…snappy by my standards, anyway." He smiled weakly and sat at the counter next to Ben, who was eating what looked like soup.

"You talkin' about Johnny?" Ben snorted upon their arrival. "Kid's just throwin' a tantrum."

"I don't know. He hasn't made one of his stupid jokes all day. It's starting to scare me." Sue said as she placed a bowl of soup and a sandwich in front of Reed.

Reed tensely fumbled with a spoon, nodding a thank you. "I'm sure he'll get over it."

"I hope so." Sue bit her lip. "I can't remember the last time he was like this."

Reed nodded again and reached for his glass, almost knocking it over in the process. Ben gave him a look.

"Well I'm gonna go see if he wants anything." Sue picked up a glass of orange juice and headed off towards Johnny's room.

"Uh, Sue, I wouldn't—" Reed started, but she was already down the hall. He sighed and fidgeted nervously in his spot, picking up his sandwich. "…So…how is everything, Ben?"

"Reed," Ben started, sizing him up. "We've been friends a long time, huh?"

Reed paused and arched an eyebrow, looking over a shoulder briefly and taking a bite. "Yeah. Of course. Through thick and thin—why?"

"So maybe you wanna tell me what's goin' on with you?"

Reed almost choked. "What do you mean?"

"You think you can fool me?" Ben sighed. "You're strung higher than a kite. So spill it, what's the deal?"

"It's just the sickness, Ben, I'm getting over it." Reed stirred his soup and shook his head. "You're making something out of nothing. Really."

"I still ain't buyin' it." Ben looked around and leaned in a little closer. "Somethin' to do with Sue? It's alright, you can tell me."

"No, it's nothing like that…" Reed sighed. "I-I mean…it's nothing, period, I don't know what you're talking about."

"What then, the fame and glamour startin' to get to you?" Ben took a drink and chuckled. "I'm tellin' you, if I get one more urge to throw one of those snivelin' little paparazzi clowns out an eight story window, I'm gonna do it. You know I got asked to do a Pepsi promotion? Me!"

"It's not that, Ben." Reed rubbed his forehead and discarded his food.

"Yeah? Then what?" Ben shrugged.

"Get that away from me!" cried a voice down the hall suddenly. "I _hate_ orange juice!"

"Since when?" Sue's voice joined in.

Reed licked his lips anxiously and drew in a breath, looking over his shoulder again before scanning the room and leaning in much closer. "Look…Ben…If I tell you something, you have to _promise_ me you're not going to so much as hint that we ever had this conversation to _anyone_."

"You kiddin'? Come on, who'm I gonna tell?"

Reed nodded hesitantly. "…Okay…Alright, well…I don't even know how to…Or even if I should. I'm not even really sure…"

"Look, Reed, would you tell me already? You're kinda startin' to freak me out." Ben encouraged.

"W-well uh…" he held out a hand, trying to explain. "J-Johnny and I uh…sort of…"

Ben stared blankly. "…yeah?"

"…kissed." Reed shuddered and swallowed hard against his dry throat.

The soup that had been resting on Ben's spoon was now suddenly a splatter against the counter. Reed added another long, awkward silence to his collection. Maybe he had miscalculated the logic of letting this little incident slip out. He waited for the axe to fall. "…What did you just say…?

"I-it's not like—I-I didn't even—"

"You _kissed_ the kid?" Ben repeated.

"It was an accident. Okay? An accident. Well—er, at least—the first time was, and—"

"The _first_ time?" Ben was reeling, nearly falling off his stool.

Reed buried his face into his hands, clutching at his hair. "I don't know what's wrong with me…"

"I'll say!" Ben was still staring in shock. "I mean no matter how drunk you are, Sue and Johnny ain't exactly identical twins, you know?"

"I wasn't drunk. Neither was he." Reed defended. Defended? Defended what?

"You're not helpin' your case."

"It was—it was just some stupid thing, alright? But now I…God, if he tells Sue, I don't know what I'm going to do…"

"Um…well, uh, you know…" Ben cleared his throat uncomfortably and scratched at the back of his neck. "S-sometimes it happens…I guess…I mean not to me, but for some guys, uh,"

"You're not helping." Reed decided.

"What do you want me to say? This is like tellin' me Mother Teresa was a chain smoker; I don't know what I'm supposed to say." Ben turned up his hands.

Reed pointed a finger and grunted. "We were just messing around, there wasn't anything like that between us, i-it happened before I knew it was happening. And then later he just wouldn't take his stupid orange juice and—"

"Okay, okay, I don't think I wanna hear the details." Ben stopped him.

"He's in a great mood." Sue huffed as she came back into the room. "You'd think I was trying to pull a tooth, I was just trying to get him a drink."

Ben looked over at Reed, then to Sue with a shrug and a nervous sort of chuckle. "Maybe we all just better…stay away from him for a while."


	6. Chapter 6

**My Impractical Hurricane – 6**

_Someone was actually looking for a Fantastic Four slash fic? Sweet! You know, I'm actually kind of surprised I haven't seen a Victor/Reed fic. Let's face it, Johnny/Reed is pretty unrealistic, but that's why I had to do it. All I have to say to those who don't like it is "flame on"!_

* * *

Reed chewed meticulously on the end of his pencil as he sat at his computer, oblivious to the fact that he was probably shading his teeth a nice color of black at the moment. He was too busy concentrating on the screen in front of him. One wrong click and his entire progress could be completely dissolved. He had to remember the correct sequence…the whole program was on the verge of collapse. What was wrong with him? He'd run this a thousands times before, what was different about now? He was a scientist for God's sake, he should be able to pull this off without a care—it wasn't exactly brain surgery. All he needed to do was sort the pieces and it would all fall into place. Fix the numbers into descending order and—

_"Sorry, you lose. There are no more legal moves. Do you want to play again?"_

Apparently computerized FreeCell was harder than he'd initially given it credit for. He spent the next few minutes studying the screen in determination to prove that the game was lying.

With a frustrated sigh, Reed wiped a hand over his face and leaned back in his chair. He had never felt like a prisoner in his own home, not even after hours upon hours cooped up in here doing research. Now, however, he was afraid just to step outside of his office. Not only could he die of shame just from seeing Johnny, but now he couldn't bring himself to face Ben in good conscience either. He should've kept this a secret. God, how he should have kept this a secret. What harm could it have done?

"Reed!" Damn it.

"Damn it. Er, I mean, Sue? What's wrong?" Reed stood up immediately as Sue entered the room.

"Have you seen Johnny?" she asked hopefully, rubbing one of her wrists anxiously.

"Not since yesterday morning, why?"

"Well he's not in his room. Or the kitchen, or the bathroom, or in here, so I don't know where he is." Sue tossed out her arms.

Reed's breath caught. Johnny was missing? Wait, was this good or bad?

"What is he thinking, Reed? He's really sick, it's cold, and he's going out and mingling? I hate it when he pulls stunts like this, he's gonna get himself—"

Reed placed his hands on her shoulders. "Okay, calm down, Sue. I'm going to go look for him."

"No. I'll go. I know all of his hangouts." Sue objected, shaking her head.

"But you can't bring him back if he's being belligerent. And if I know Johnny, he's being belligerent." He kissed her forehead and went for the door. "You and Ben stay here in case he comes back. I have my cell phone if anything comes up, alright?"

Sue hesitated, but swallowed and nodded. "Reed…"

"Don't worry. I promise I'll bring him back safe if it's the last thing I do." Reed assured, then went back to the door, grabbing his coat. "…and it…probably will be."


	7. Chapter 7

**My Impractical Hurricane – 7**

_Uh…Okay, I'm sorry, I have no idea what you mean by warning you when I'm going to put "stuff" in my chapters. This story's full of stuff. And junk. And shit. Sooo, you're gonna have to be a little more specific than thatthankyou! And yeah, yeah, I'm sorry the last chapter was so short. Don't shun me! This one's longer! I swear! I SWEAR! _

* * *

Reed had supposed that finding Johnny couldn't be that difficult. Usually all he had to do was follow the trail of destruction and mass chaos. Or the mob of screaming fan girls. Tonight, however, it had been proven to him that it wasn't going to be that easy. It was a Friday night, and the streets were littered with partiers and clubbers. This was clearly Johnny's crowd, but no sign of Johnny. Reed kept his scarf up high around his neck as he walked, head low and hoping to avoid recognition if he could. The last thing he needed right now was a nerdy fan trying to get him to do a trick like he was some sideshow freak—which would, in turn, attract a surrounding crowd that trapped him in the middle of the street for hours. He had learned that the hard way.

Stopping by a street lamp to try and avoid pedestrian traffic, Reed shivered and rubbed his hands together. It was freezing out, or at least it seemed that way when you've been out searching for someone this late at night. Reed was beginning to become frantic. Where was he? Not that he was worried much about The Human Torch being cold, per say, but as sick as he was, it was potentially dangerous for him to be out here. Someone had to have at least seen him. The last person to have even mentioned him was the doorman Reed questioned on the way out, who had said he'd seen Johnny leave about an hour prior. That was three hours ago. Since then, Reed had been to almost every club in the city.

"Hey!" called out an unfamiliar voice behind him. He didn't want to turn around, mostly because if the person wasn't calling him, he didn't want to expend the effort. "Hey you!" the voice called again, and this time Reed slowly turned. He found himself looking at a young man and a woman.

"Yes?"

The man seemed very excited. "Y-you're you, huh?" he blurted out.

"…Yeah…" Reed went to turn away, but the man was suddenly in front of him again.

"Dude, you're totally Mr. Fantastic! This is so cool! Hailey, look—" he grabbed his companion's arm and jerked her into the scene, pointing at Reed as though he were very far off in the distance. "It's Mr. Fantastic!"

Reed wanted to beg the man to keep his voice down. "Right, uh, I'm really just on my way to—"

"So can you stretch _any_ part of your body?" the woman interjected.

Reed narrowed his eyes. If he had to hear one more penis joke… "As far as I know, look—"

"You're my favorite." The girl continued. "A lot of people go for the fire guy, but I think you're the hottest."

Reed opened his mouth, trying to get a word in.

"No offense or nothin', but like, The Thing is awesome! Is he around here, could we meet him?" the young man countered.

"Actually I'm looking for one of us." Reed said as quickly as he could before they started up again. "Have you seen Johnny?"

The two stared blankly at him.

"…Johnny Storm?"

Nothing.

Reed rolled his eyes. "…The Torch?"

"Oh! Him!" the two suddenly broke out into a session of mindless chatter and Reed slapped a hand over his forehead.

"Please, if you've seen him, tell m—"

"No way, because Pete was just down this way like five minutes ago and he totally said he saw this guy that looked just like the Torch walking down that way." The man gestured down the sidewalk a ways.

"Pete's full of shit." Noted the girl.

"No he's not, he really sees stuff."

"Yeah huh, just like he saw Jennifer Aniston at Taco Bell."

"Hey, he really did see her there! I swear, Kyle was with him and they were at the Coke machine when—"

"Would you two _please_—!" Reed suddenly cried out, and they were both shocked into silence. "—tell me where he went?"

The man paused and flipped a hand behind them towards the next row of buildings. "Uh…I think he went down that way. To the bar, maybe?"

"Thank you." Reed nearly snapped as he brushed past them and headed briskly towards said location, ignoring the capricious banter that went on behind his back.

"Wow, that was rude."

"Yeah, I mean celebrities being stuck up I can see, but super heroes?"

Reed quickly made it to the front door of the bar and pushed his way inside through a throng of people. With a few suffered 'excuse me's, 'watch it, retard's, and 'that's my foot, dickhead's, Reed managed to battle through them relatively unscathed to the bar. "Uh, excuse me!" he called out as soon as the bartender was near enough.

A woman, looking about in her late twenties, greeted him with a nod and moved over to meet him. "What's your poison, babe?"

"I'm looking for someone." Reed explained. "Uh, he's got really short blond hair, muscular build, probably on the arms of about five super-model looking…"

"Him?" the bartender pointed a finger down to the more deserted end of the bar, where a figure sat hunched over with his head in his arms.

Reed breathed a sigh of extreme relief. "Johnny…"

"I'm glad someone came to get him out of here, he doesn't look so good." The bartender offered.

"How much has he had to drink?"

"Drink? Hasn't ordered a thing." She replied before returning to another group of customers.

Surprisingly enough, Johnny was alone. He could easily pass for an unconscious drunk, so it was plausible that he had been left here without much fuss. Creeping up gently next to him, Reed eyed him over and rested his arms on the bar. "Johnny—"

Johnny's head shot up and his eyes met Reed's with shock. "Reed?"

"What are you doing out here?" Reed took a step towards him and Johnny suddenly leapt from his seat, accidentally knocking it to the floor and very nearly falling with it.

"Stay away from me!" he ordered, moving back.

"Jeez, Johnny, cool it!" Reed held up his hands and looked around as spectators began to turn.

Johnny took one horrified look around and rushed away into the bathroom.

"Johnny!" Reed called after him and hesitated, lowering his head a little in embarrassment as onlookers all focused upon him. "He's…uh…" Reed attempted at an explanation for a second before growling in self-exasperation and marching into the bathroom after his teammate.

Johnny was at the farthest end he could be, which wasn't that far, leaning against the wall next to the sink and rubbing his head painfully. He looked up as Reed entered with a mixture of anger and despair.

"Johnny, what is going on with you?" Reed demanded.

"Go home, get out of here, I-I'm taking a bathroom break!" Johnny looked down at the sink for a moment and shuddered.

"Johnny, look at you…" Reed shook his head and came closer, despite when Johnny pushed himself hard against the wall away from him.

"I'm fine!" Johnny protested, which would have been a lot more profound had his voice not cracked pre-pubescently in the process. He suddenly wavered and began to slide down.

"Whoah, whoah, hey—" Reed quickly came forward and caught him, pulling him back up and frowning at him in concern. Johnny was pale, he was shaking, and his frailty was suddenly very evident. "…It's Winter, and you're _really_ sick, do you understand that? How can you not? It's your body. Why did you come out here?"

Johnny tried to pull away weakly, but his body was mostly leaning against Reed and moving much would likely land him on the floor. "Maybe I was trying to get away from _you_, okay?" he hissed.

"I'm serious." Reed returned firmly.

"So am I! God, it's like suddenly I can't get you off my damn back!"

Reed's grip around Johnny's middle relaxed a little, but as the younger began to fall back, his hold was tightened again awkwardly. "…Look…I'm sorry about the other day, alright? I-I shouldn't've done that, it wasn't fair. But your health is more important than some stupid fight." Reed leaned back a little and turned on the sink, snatching a paper towel from a conveniently located dispenser and wetting it with cool water.

"No…" Johnny tried to shake his head, but Reed shushed him and wiped his brow with the dampened towel.

Reed washed away the sweat on Johnny's face and felt a hand to his forehead. "You're really warm. But I don't know if it's a fever, or if it's just…you." He moved the hand down to the side of his temple to keep feeling a bit. "You need to come back home so I can get a better look."

"I like _women_, Reed…" one of Johnny's hands gripped at the shirt over Reed's chest.

Reed blinked, shrugging slightly in confusion. "I know you do."

Johnny was gazing up at him now with a wide-eyed, dizzy looking vulnerability. "…So why do I…? he trailed off.

Reed furrowed his brow, stroking his fingers lightly over the side of Johnny's head. "…Why do you what…?" he asked softly. He couldn't help it, he felt so compelled to stare…

Johnny opened his mouth to say something, just as the door suddenly crashed open from behind them and spilled in two loudly talking men. Instantly Johnny lunged for the sink, vomiting gruesomely.

"Sh—it man, he okay?" asked one of the intruders.

"He'll be fine." Reed nodded with a forced smile and put an arm over Johnny's shoulders. "Come on…let's get home…"

Johnny groaned in pain as Reed wrapped an arm carefully around his middle and took an arm to hoist him with, easing him up. It was no simple task to drag him out into the street and hail a cab, especially with so many people staring at them, but when at last the task was done, Reed felt a little safer. Tonight's incident was finally over. "Alright, watch your head." He muttered as he helped push Johnny into the back seat, notifying the driver of the desired location and getting in next to him.

Johnny began muttering aimlessly, covering his face with a hand.

"Is he gonna throw up in here?" the driver turned over a shoulder warily.

"Not if you drive slow…" Reed returned.

"Hey look, I just got this car cleaned, and I can't—"

"It's fine, he won't." Reed insisted. "Come here Johnny, close your eyes, take it easy…" he coaxed Johnny's head down onto his shoulder, who half-deliriously complied.

The cab driver fixed them with a funny look.

Reed looked back with a warning expression of his own. "Would you just take us home please?"

As the car continued on its path, Reed was quickly reminded why it was he didn't go out very often: People suck.


	8. Chapter 8

**My Impractical Hurricane – 8**

_It tastes like purple in here._

* * *

Reed rubbed his eyes slightly and took a drink of what he estimated to be his thirteenth cup of coffee, after which he cursed Johnny for a number that he had completely lost count on. After a long night of worried tests on his patient, Reed was able to deduce that while Johnny's fever and flu were severe, they were not in any way interfering, made worse by, or at all related to his pyromaniac abilities. All he needed was rest, fluid, and to stop marching out of the house at eleven o'clock at night like the moron he was. As Reed looked at his watch—six in the morning, wonderful—he took his coffee and flipped off the light to his lab before going back down the hall.

He was exhausted and, at the moment, not in the best of moods. After searching for and finally managing to drag Johnny back home, he'd gotten sick in the back of the cab after all just as they pulled up home. That created a whole new disaster. Reed had suddenly been caught in the middle of making sure Johnny was alright, trying to get the cab driver not to royally flip out, and stuttering out some kind of explanation to Sue and Ben, who had come down in a hurry once they saw the car pull up. Johnny was more than a handful. Reed grumbled to himself as he thought over all of the incidents that had brought them stress from the youngest and most radical of them. They were always chasing him down one way or another. Recent catastrophes included speeding, bar fights, mild unintentional arson, public drunkenness, and various other complaints unrelated to the law. He was putting an awful strain on Sue, and now, the rest of the team as well.

Was he going to have to deal with Johnny's antics for the rest of his life? Logic would follow that he would have to mellow out when he got a little older, but thus far, he showed no signs of slowing down. It was all almost too much. Reed shook his head as he opened the door and went back into Johnny's room. It seemed, at many times, that Johnny was simply too dangerous to have here. Why did they continue to worry over him? Why did they keep letting him get away with all of this? Why did they put up with him at all? Was it possible to have him neutered?

…However…

One look at him lying on the bed, breathing irregularly and sweating from fever, and Reed's frustration was gone. He knew the answer to all of those questions. As independent and headstrong as Johnny was, he was the one they were the most protective over. He slowly drew up a chair and sat down next to the bed, drinking his coffee and studying the young man lying before him. Whatever way he went about it, Johnny was brave, and usually far more compassionate than he seemed. Sometimes his most courageous actions could be easily mistaken for rash ignorance. He had his vices, but in the end, and when it really counted, he was selfless. And no matter how hard Reed might have wanted to deny it, whatever trouble the runt landed ass backwards into, he was worth it.

Johnny twitched on his bed and began panting, fingers clutching and relaxing against the sheets. Reed slowly pulled the covers away from him and watched, relieved that the fever looked to have been broken. _Atta__ boy, Johnny…_ He would have taken his temperature to confirm, but it wouldn't have told him anything. Johnny was always the heat of an oven, and putting a thermometer to his body would only result in a broken thermometer. Damn these new, complicated systems of theirs. He just wished things were easy for once. He thought he'd earned at least that much.

"Ohh…" Johnny clenched his eyes shut harder and buried his face into his pillow, his next few noises muffled into it.

Reed eyed him for a moment before edging a little closer to the garbage can in the case that Johnny was planning a repeat of last night's cab ordeal. Reed would never wear those shoes again. "Johnny?"

"…" Johnny turned weakly onto his back and covered his face with his hands, pulling them back suddenly to stare at the sweat in surprise.

"You feeling alright?" Reed asked. Possibly a stupid question.

"…I feel like…Frosty the snowman in the middle of the Sahara…" Johnny muttered, one hand finding his stomach. "…with a piranha in my guts…"

Reed smirked, leaning forward. "I'm not surprised. You haven't eaten in over two days now. Which really leads to the question of where, exactly, all that vomit came from."

"Uh…sorry about that…" Johnny muttered, letting his head fall to the side to look at Reed.

"It's okay." Reed dismissed. "I—er, we were worried about you, you know."

"…I thought I was fine." He replied, but his eyes were looking down now. "So I…went out for a drink."

"Well please don't do it again. I spent hours looking for you, I nearly…" Reed stopped himself and sighed, scratching his neck uncomfortably.

"I didn't ask you guys to come after me."

"But you _knew_ that we would." Reed scolded. "I won't bother lecturing you, Johnny. That's never done any good before."

"Thank you." Johnny replied with a grunt.

"I'm just asking you to be a friend." Reed continued.

Johnny glanced back up, confused.

"Because I don't care if you'd ended up halfway across the world, I would've hunted you down. I would've kept looking. So don't do that to me."

Johnny swallowed and slid a hand under his pillow aimlessly. "…Fine, okay? I won't go anywhere…Is that what you wanna hear?"

"I don't know why you have to treat everything like an attack. …We…well we all love you." Reed reasoned.

Johnny glared up at him resentfully.

"You know that, don't you?"

Johnny scoffed. "Don't guilt trip me, alright? I'm tired of being treated like some damn time bomb just because I don't sit at home every Saturday night playing board games like a loser, so you can all get off me about—"

Reed bent down and stealthily kissed the top of Johnny's head, successfully shocking him into silence… They sat there like that for a long moment until Reed finally spoke up. "…I'm just going to go, before I set you off again."

Johnny didn't say anything at first, blinking repeatedly and staring into Reed's shoulder, which happened to be directly in his line of sight. "…Reed…"

Reed paused. "Yes?"

"…That makes three, you know?" Johnny drew his eyes up to meet Reed's, curious and worried.

Reed looked down nervously, nodding to himself. "…Four's the lucky number…right?" He hesitated and just slightly caught Johnny's lips with his own. For that small, quiet moment, it almost seemed…okay. Reed pulled away and bit his lip, looking down at this colossal mess he'd made and sighing. "…Get better, okay?" he quickly got up and turned away. In doing so, he didn't even notice that Johnny half reached up a hand to stop him.


	9. Chapter 9

**My Impractical Hurricane – 9**

_You guys crack me up. I love you._

* * *

Three days. A lot can happen in three days. You can lose your mind, you can become an insomniac, and you can apparently drink your weight in coffee. Reed felt that by now, he had done all of these things. In three days, Johnny had gotten over his sickness, and in three days, Reed was back to completely avoiding him. He was partially relieved to know that this was not a one-sided evasion, as Johnny had been equally careful in making sure that their interaction was kept to a minimal. Either way, Sue was none the wiser. Ben, however, at least suspected that something was up, and Reed feared more than anything that he would want to try and talk about it. And so in addition to acting like an awkward virgin around Sue, and dodging Johnny every chance he got, he was also practically running out on Ben every time he opened his mouth. Yes indeed, life was super.

As of now, Mr. Fantastic sat brooding in his bedroom like an upset teenager. It was better than sitting in the living room with everyone else pretending that nothing ever happened, anyway. That must've been what Johnny was doing about now—which would've been easy without Reed in the room. But then who was he kidding? Johnny was probably back to his routine, roving the city and hounding up skirts, full of alcohol and bullheadedness. Getting sick and in over his head all over again. Reed grumbled and sat down on his bed, picking up a book and convincing himself that he was actually reading a section of it as he thought. In actuality, he was forming his new plan of attack. Like how he was going to seem calm the next time he went out of his room or which excuse he was going to use the next time Sue suggested that they all go out together. He didn't come up with much. He could only really hope that, with time, this would all blow over.

At least, that was what was best, right? Of course.

The door erupted with knocking, and Reed dragged himself to his feet lethargically. Fretting really takes a lot out of you. He was not in the mood to try out one of his slapped together attack plans at the moment, and he had a difficult time putting on his 'I'm like, so totally normal' face as he went to the door. As he opened it, he was most certainly shocked to see Johnny staring back at him. One—because Johnny never knocked no matter where he was or where he was going—and two—because well…the obvious. "…Johnny?"

"Can we talk?" Johnny said loudly. Reed didn't know what he was so angry about, but Johnny's temper was always something to watch out for.

"Uh…sure…Come in?" Reed backed away and Johnny, appropriately, stormed into the room and shut the door.

"I…" Johnny growled at first, tossing up a hand. He made quite the statement.

"…Is there something…you wanted to say?" Reed shrugged.

"Yeah, okay, gimme a damn break." Johnny rubbed the back of his neck and twitched several times as though trying to think of something to say.

After a long while, Reed cleared his throat, looking away. "So…how are you feeling?"

"Fine." Johnny spat back.

"Good." Reed nodded and waited, wondering if Johnny had come in here to kill him, thus destroying the only witness to his recently less than heterosexual behavior. So was it going to be by knife, gun, strangulation, or would he just resort to melting him? Ah damnit; he knew which it would be. "Uh, I—"

"Look, okay, j-just shut up." Johnny stopped him. "What did you do to me, man? Huh? Just what the Hell did you do to me?"

Reed stared numbly. "…I don't know what you—"

"Don't say that, you _know _what I'm talking about!" Johnny interrupted again.

"I-I didn't do anything, I've been in here all day." Said Reed, taking an unconscious step back. "Anyway, I thought you'd be out."

"I was." Johnny snapped. "I came back."

"Why?"

"_Why_?" Johnny knocked his foot into the wall heatedly. "Well I-I was out, okay? Like every night. But every night now it's the same thing! I see girls, I _love_ girls, I look at them the same, you know? They're still hot, they still turn me on, I still want them, and thinking about 'em still makes my pants tighter than that stupid spandex uniform! B-but I can't…I c-can't…" he huffed a breath through his nose and clenched a fist, wiping his mouth with the back of a hand. "It's you, okay? I look at them and it keeps coming back to you!"

Women reminded Johnny of Reed? Reed said nothing, gaping in confusion.

"So what the Hell did you do? B-because it's not me, you got it? I'm straighter than an arrow, I'm—I'm…I'm the ladies man of the Fantastic Four for God's sake! And I was looking at some other guys, you know, j-just for the sake of looking and all and I was like, ew gross, so it's not guys, okay? It's just…_you_!"

Reed could only play his role as a brick wall, unmoving. "…You're…saying you're…attracted to me?" he uttered pitifully.

Johnny stopped and looked around, fidgeting again.

Reed was stunned. He didn't even think he should be, and yet, he was…stunned. "…Why?" he was saying stupid things before he could stop himself.

"I don't _know_!" Johnny replied as though Reed had just accused him of something devastatingly perverse. "Y-you bother me, okay? No matter how much I irritate you or piss you off or make fun of you behind your back when you're not looking—"

"Huh?"

"—it never _gets_ to you! You just…You just give me that stupid look and walk away, you never fight back! And your stupid science fetish, and the way this whole place is made out of metal and like, mad scientist experiment equipment—It's just weird, alright? …You care about me, and you don't yell at me, even when that's what I want..." His tone suddenly took a sharp turn-around at that last statement, and Johnny quickly fell into silence.

Reed opened his mouth and waited for something stupid to fall out, but nothing came forth. He couldn't even bring himself to blink. What was he supposed to say to something like that? What exactly had just been revealed to him? Where in the Hell was Ashton Kutcher! "…You…like me because I bother you?"

"Ah, Reed!" Johnny cried out in despair and covered his face, his clothes suddenly smoking up just a little.

"Okay, okay, it's okay, calm down." Reed approached him.

"Why'd you come after me? Why'd you take care of me? Why do you treat me so good, and _why_ did you kiss me?" Johnny looked up in mild terror and immense exasperation.

"I…" Reed swallowed hard. "…I don't know, Johnny…I guess it's because…well…you bother me, too."

Silence.

And then, it happened. Johnny was on him—lips locked, limbs tangled, balance threatened—the whole nine yards. Reed struggled just to keep upright, falling back a few steps as he was assaulted. He was sure he tried to make some sound of protest, but it wouldn't have matched up very well with the way he was groping at his hips and kissing back. Johnny's jacket fell to the floor—neither was sure who'd shucked it off—and after a few wavering moments, Johnny was down, dropped hard against the edge of the bed with Reed leaning over him. Reed knew this was wrong, it was so, so wrong, oh, why did Johnny have to feel so good? Hands were everywhere. Words only made it in brief gaps between demanding tongue-battles.

"Johnny—"

"What?"

"…That kiss—that was defiantly you this time."

"Shut up…" Johnny offered up another brutal kiss, pulling Reed down roughly by the collar of his shirt.

Reed couldn't help it. He kissed back. All other brain functions shut down. Screw inhibitions, he wanted Johnny like a whore wants dignity.

"Hey Reed, I was j—y—AH!" that horrified yell signified the entrance of Ben Grimm…

Reed felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. There they were, half bent over the bed, Reed's belt undone and his arms halfway delved up Johnny's T-shirt to caress his chest, Johnny's hands fisted in Reed's shirt while his legs were locked tightly around his hips…

"…Shit…" Johnny whispered hoarsely.

"Ben—" Reed began.

"What is going _on_ in—" and Sue, right on time. When she saw the sight before her, her visibility instantly vanished.

Ben stuttered in disbelief, eyes locked onto the scene in hypnotized shock. "…I…uh…shoulda……..knocked…."


	10. Chapter 10

**My Impractical Hurricane – 10**

_Wow, holy reviewers, Batman! Thank you so much for reading, guys. You make me thirsty with joy. _

* * *

Johnny and Reed were both seated on the couch like a couple of pre-teens caught making out in the back of Dad's car, shoulders low and head in hands as if waiting for punishment. This, however, was far more grave than a couple of kids letting hormones get the best of them. If only it had been that simple.

"What were—I mean what were you two—i-is there something I'm missing here!" Ben shouted as he paced back and forth, rubbing his head. "This is…Jesus Reed, I knew you kissed him, but to go further than that is—"

"You _knew_ about this?" Sue suddenly barked, and those were the first words she'd uttered since this sordid little affair had been revealed. Her transparent state had not subsided, however, as she either would not or could not control her powers with whatever emotion was coursing through her. Her outfit hung idly in the air behind Ben.

Sensing himself in the line of fire, Ben froze. "Uh, Sue, listen—"

"Was anyone planning on telling me about this? Or was this just some big…disgusting secret you were all keeping from me?" she tossed up her arms.

Reed and Johnny said nothing, far too ashamed and afraid to even try and defend themselves. Reed looked at Sue and Ben timidly while Johnny kept his eyes to the floor, running nervous little flames from his fingertips over his scalp.

"It ain't like that." Ben shook his head. "Look, all he told me was that he and lover boy here sort of kinda accidentally kissed." He paused. "But they were drunk. Really, really drunk, right guys?"

_Thanks for trying, Ben._ Reed thought dismally.

"I don't care if they were drunk, stoned, and eating wild mushrooms—this is _insane_!" she continued. "I mean where do I start? Where do I even start?"

"Take it easy, Sue, don't pop a vein or nothin'…" Ben tried to calm her down.

"Oh take it easy? Take it easy when my _fiancé_ is making out with my _brother_?"

"…Sue—" Reed attempted weakly, only to be denied.

"Don't you even say a word." She snapped back at him.

"Right…" Reed instantly shrank back.

"And what the _Hell_, Johnny?" she quickly turned to the second offender, who winced. "You've pulled a lot of stunts, but what is this, why _this_? I can't even answer the phone anymore because you have to give our number out to _every_ one of your stupid little girlfriends, you're—…You…I mean you're…Agh!"

"So are you two, what, like, gay or something?" Ben asked. "Is that how it is now?"

"No!" Reed and Johnny both leapt to answer.

Ben sighed. "Okay, then what is it?"

Neither man could bring themselves to look at one another. "It's just…well it's…hard to explain…" Reed said gently.

"If your best explanation is that you don't have an explanation, you'd better think again." Sue ordered. "This is sick. This is crazy! I can't even look at you two right now." Sue's form quickly turned with intent of departure.

"Sue, wait—!" Reed pleaded, standing up.

Sue turned back around, her visibility seeping in a little. She fixed him with a death glare and he was immediately silent. After a few awkward moments, she crossed her arms and shook her head. "Okay, Reed. You wanna talk, let's talk. You just tell me one thing. Do you have feelings for my brother Johnny?"

Reed blinked.

"Do you? Is this just some…_weird_ fling, or is there a reason behind it? Do you have feelings for him?" Sue shuddered and stared back at him hopefully.

Reed felt like he was going to pass out. He didn't dare look at Johnny, who wasn't looking at him anyway, but he felt that all the eyes in the world were on him. _Someone save me…_he begged inwardly. He drew in a lengthy breath. "…Yes…" There, that was it, he'd said it—wait, _what? YES? _Did he just say_ YES?_ Oh sick sweet mother of a dark unholy God!

Johnny didn't take his eyes from the floor, but his cheeks lit up an intense shade of red.

Sue stared in horror, holding a hand to her head. "You're both _psychotic_!" with that, she marched out of the room. Seconds later, her door slammed.

"Sue!" Johnny cried after her in a high-pitched tone, only in vain. He hurriedly hid his face back down in his hands.

Reed closed his eyes where he stood, waiting for someone to say something.

"That…didn't go so well…" Ben offered, eying the other two with obvious discomfort.

"No Ben. No it didn't." Reed rubbed his forehead and sighed.

Johnny stumbled clumsily up from his place and made a quick escape out of the room as well.

"Johnny—" Reed called after him.

The front door slammed.

Reed stood in the middle of the floor, twitching and drowning in his own madness. How had he let things get to this? What was he going to do now? He looked up towards Ben in anguish.

Ben took in a breath and looked between the two exits that brother and sister had made. His eyes settled lastly on Reed, and he shrugged. "So I guess…that just leaves one question…"

Reed's expression teetered between confusion and distress.

"…Who are you gonna go after?" Ben asked simply.

Reed's foot lifted, but he didn't know what he was supposed to do. "I…I…" He needed to talk to Sue. But he had to make sure Johnny didn't run off. But Sue was his girlfriend! But Johnny was his…uh…well, he was something, wasn't he? Johnny was…Johnny was just…his.

…

Tripping all over himself, Reed made chase, heading out the front door.

"I-I'll uh…see if I can't talk to Sue!" Ben yelled out behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

**My Impractical Hurricane – 11**

_Yeah, so…yet another crappy chapter.__ I would've updated sooner but…what can I say—I didn't. Thanks for reading, you guys are great. I partially thought people would hate this sort of thing._

* * *

"Johnny!" Reed cried out, fighting quickly through a flock of human bodies towards the retreating figure ahead of him. "Johnny, wait! Please! Would you wait? Stop!"

Reed's shouting was to no avail. People were giving them dirty looks all over the place, and the last thing they needed right now was for this incident to become a public scene. He had to catch Johnny, and quick.

"Hold up, come on!" Reed yelled as he dodged around a person carrying quite a few boxes, and very nearly causing them to drop them, which in turn brought out a chain of cursing and threats. After a desperately rushed apology, Reed stretched an arm easily ten feet ahead of him and snatched Johnny around the upper arm before he could get any further. "Johnny, _hold_ it."

Johnny finally stopped, but he didn't turn around. Once again, Johnny Storm was in a bad mood, and that did not bode well for those on the receiving end. When he spoke, his voice had a dangerous edge. "Reed, don't make me heat up."

Reed steeled his nerves and drew in a breath. "So do it." He said daringly. "I'm not letting go."

Johnny turned to look at him furiously, flexing the arm hard and noting to himself that the grip was indeed unrelenting. Reed felt the heat rise slowly under his hand to the point of discomfort, but he could see uncertainty in Johnny's face. Johnny was known for acting rashly, but Reed didn't know if he would resort to hurting someone intentionally. He fixed the younger with a firm look that said he wasn't going anywhere. He'd come this far, after all. Johnny sneered resentfully, turning up his temperature a little more and watching as Reed's eyes widened. It was a simple but impossible equation. All Reed had to do was let go. All Johnny had to do was not walk away.

Reed grit his teeth. He didn't want to give Johnny the satisfaction of knowing that he was hurting him, but smoke was already trailing up Johnny's shirt. He could suffer serious burns if he didn't stop. Without warning, the heat let up, and Reed gasped slightly in relief. "Damnit, just come over here, you're causing a God damn scene!" Johnny hollered.

Reed quickly let go and drew his arm back, resisting the urge to clutch it in pain. Where it was now at his side it was just shaking, but then so was the rest of his body when he'd rushed out into the dead of Winter in just a T-shirt. Johnny wasn't dressed any heavier, but that obviously wasn't a problem for him. "Johnny, I know things are a mess right now, but running off isn't going to make them any better." Reed said in a hushed tone as he came closer to Johnny in a few quick strides.

"Are you kidding me?" Johnny bit his lip, eyes continuously flickering to Reed's hand. "Th-this is bigger than a _mess_! This is one of those 'oh my God can't find the remote Tuesday morning talk show' things!"

"…Okay, so it's bad, don't make it worse." Reed reasoned.

"It can't _get_ any worse." Johnny again eyed Reed's hand.

"It can always get worse."

Johnny gave him a look.

"…Alright, so it probably couldn't get _much_ worse, but—" Reed followed Johnny's eyes down to his hand and he sighed. "…Relax, Johnny, it's fine."

Johnny met his eyes again and chewed his tongue pensively. "I'm not going back."

"You have to. It's your home." Reed protested.

"It's a place I crashed at while I discovered my super human powers, okay? I'd hardly call it a home!" Johnny tossed a hand skyward up towards the Baxter Building. "Let's face it, science boy, you were all fine without me and I was fine without—"

"Don't you dare say what I think you're about to say." Reed cut him off roughly. "You're not leaving this team over this. You're not leaving Sue, who's the only family you have left, and you're not losing your friends just because of me. We're a team. We need you."

"Don't talk to _me_ about _my_ life." Johnny thumped a hand over his chest. "I do just fine flying solo."

"Well you can forget about it." Reed decided.

"Yeah? Why should I?" Johnny made a move to turn away.

"Because every time you walk out, Johnny, every time you do something impulsive and stupid—" Reed answered, holding up his burnt hand and frowning, "…you hurt someone."

Johnny grimaced and stopped, eyes finding the sidewalk. Reed didn't know if Johnny would actually leave for good, but even leaving for an extended period of time would cause Sue far more stress than him being there in an awkward situation. Reed didn't like having to admit it, but it would cause a lot more stress for him as well. Truth be told, they all wouldn't be as much without him. Johnny slowly looked up. "…Are you okay?" he muttered unhappily.

Reed glanced at his hand and nodded. "Yeah."

"…It's too much, Reed…" Johnny rubbed the back of his neck.

"I feel the same way…" Reed shook his head.

"This is all your fault, you know." Johnny added dejectedly, clutching his arms to his sides.

Reed was a little offended by that. "…You're probably right…" he shrugged.

Johnny glared at him intently and muttered some random curse. "There you go again. Yes, Johnny, you're right, Johnny, whatever, Johnny."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say you didn't mean it." Johnny explained simply.

"Didn't mean what?" Reed was tired of being confused.

"What you said up there. About h-having feelings for me and all that crap." He waved a hand.

"Fine. I didn't mean it." Reed crossed his arms.

"Do you mean that?"

"No."

Johnny groaned, slapping his forehead. "Great. That's peachy."

"First you're mad at me because you had these apparent…feelings for me, and then you're mad at me because I return them? And now you just want me to lie? …Johnny…you suck." Reed stated, clenching a fist.

Johnny blinked, brow creasing in anger. "I _suck_? Did you just say I sucked?"

"Yes. You make everything so damn hard. You suck."

"I don't suck! And I'm not the reason everything's so screwed up. It's the whole you being engaged to my sister and me _not_ being gay and the eye of the public focused on our front door thing that's the problem!"

"Well what do you want, Johnny?"

Johnny growled and flippantly gestured his hands to the area around him. "I want everything to be normal again, is that so much to ask? You know, before you messed up my head and before I told you I liked you because I wish that you hadn't and I wished I didn't and I just want it all back!"

"We can both agree that isn't going to happen." Reed reminded.

"You invented a machine that mimics a radioactive superpower-giving space cloud in like a week, you're telling me you can't come out with one simple time machine?"

Reed glared.

Johnny groaned. "…Sue's…never gonna forgive me…"

"She will." Reed lowered his head. "Me on the other hand…"

"Yeah, she'll probably kill you." Johnny agreed.

"Thanks." Reed returned sarcastically.

"…You know I'd punch you in the face for what you did you her…but I guess I'd have to punch me too."

"I'll give you a free shot." Reed said, only really half joking.

"…" Johnny studied him for a moment, and Reed was sure that he was actually contemplating taking him up on that offer. "So then…you…still…you know, feel that way about me."

Reed looked away. "…Do you? About me, I mean…"

"I…" Johnny struggled, opening and closing his mouth indecisively. "…That doesn't mean I like it, okay? Because I _don't_ like it."

"…Can we go home now please?" Reed begged, rubbing an arm. "I'm freezing."

Johnny looked back over his shoulder once more and murmured. "Fine…"

Reed shivered rigidly. "Great." He replied through his teeth. But that was really the antithesis of all this.


	12. Chapter 12

**My Impractical Hurricane – 12**

_Why are you guys so nice to me, huh? Anyway…this is the last chapter of the story. Why? Uh, because all things come to an end, I guess. And this is all I wrote. Don't expect a sequel, but don't negate the possibility. If a fun idea or supreme boredom strikes me, who knows, one day I might. But you guys are all awesome. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story thus far. I realize that Reed and Johnny are an utterly ridiculous couple, but that's really part of why I wanted to do it. Because I think it's funny. _

_So thanks for the reviews and the comments, and reading all twelve chapters of my madness. I really almost forgot how much fun it was to write something more on the light-hearted side. So please—send no radioactive spiders after me, as I fear the radioactive waves may give me cancer. Hugs, kisses, and one-night-stands to you all._

* * *

Needless to be said, nothing about this disaster went over well. After an hour of trying to talk to Sue through a locked door, Ben had decided to give it a rest. For the remainder of the night, no one would speak to one another. 

Days passed.

Sue wouldn't say anything to any of them. Suddenly it seemed like she wasn't even there, even if most of the time she was just in her room. Not that any of them blamed her, and not that they weren't far too terrified to approach her. Reed and Johnny put up a good act at having a friendly sort of relationship, but they hardly knew how to deal with each other now. Treating someone like a friend when you both knew that there was something more was like a Vegas wedding: all show and no sincerity. And there was no Elvis impersonator to sing these blues. For Ben's part, he tried to fix things whenever possible. Whether it was jabbering at Reed about current events, making small talk with Sue, or trying to provoke the usual fight out of a strangely listless Johnny, he had all but restrained them in his arms like errant children to keep them together. The Fantastic Four was in practical shambles.

Reed supposed that this must have been hardest on Sue, but who was to say? Maybe it was an equal strain for all of them. Either way, he felt solely responsible. Maybe that first kiss had been an accident, but the second sure as Hell had intent. The same could be said for the third and fourth. The fifth he could at least blame on Johnny. And the sixth. And the seventh and eighth…alright, so maybe Reed had to take blame for the ninth. In any case, Johnny was right. This was all his fault, start to finish. Even so, there was nothing he could do to remedy the situation. Like Ben had said the other day over coffee and suppressed anxiety, "This ain't a car, Reed. You can't just dish out a quick tune up and a paint job and expect it to run the same." Boy did he know it.

After a few more days, Reed was stopped in the middle of the hall at the sound of Sue and Johnny's voices. Part of him had been thrilled just to discover the two of them were speaking, but the other part couldn't help but note that they were more yelling than talking. He couldn't bear being the root of that. He turned away just around the time echoes of "I'll always love you but right now I just hate you so much" made it to him. He was sure Ben had intervened only moments later, as his footsteps often signaled his presence at all times. I love you, but I hate you. Was that progress at all? Reed wasn't about to be hopeful. He'd always been a wishful thinker.

Almost a week had passed since the incident and suddenly…things almost seemed…back to normal. Even if you took into account the fact that no one was really talking much to each other. The mood had calmed, if nothing else. Sue could be seen about the house, conversing with Ben every now and then and even going as far as to offer a few words to her brother when needed. Reed actually caught himself laughing at some aimless comment Ben made. Sue wouldn't speak to Reed, but he supposed that could be expected. He wasn't sure if she would ever speak to him again. …Johnny had started going out all night again. Reed was determined to pretend that didn't hurt a little, somewhere deep down.

Currently, however, Reed was just trying not to think on any of it, despite there being little else to think on. He wandered about his home with pedantic ponders of chemical warfare and the state of the rain forest, or world hunger and why people watch David Letterman. In general, things with no real answer. Thinking about global problems was better than beating yourself up about your own. Neither helped, however. Reed once thought he chased people away because of his unnatural obsession with his work, but now he was thinking that maybe it was just him. Maybe he just wasn't as good with people as he thought. Living in a populous of four was the most crowded arrangement he felt he'd ever lived in, and he thought that rather pathetic. He shook his head and made his way back towards the living room. How had he suddenly landed back on personal problems? When he rounded the corner, he quickly learned of another occupant in his intended solace.

Johnny was seated on the couch limply, head tilted over the back of it and eyes closed. Blaring headphones hung around his neck, singing him some less than sweet lullaby by Nine Inch Nails. Upon closer study, it was clear that he was asleep, or at least very close to it, and Reed wondered how anyone could sleep amid such awful noise. Although it didn't necessarily surprise him. He knew that Johnny hadn't been sleeping at night.

It was just another one of those things he tried not to think about. Johnny would stay out all night, and Reed could hear him wandering around the house early in the morning when he got back. Reed despised the fact that every time Johnny did go out, he couldn't sleep himself waiting for him to return. The idea that Johnny would split as he originally planned haunted him in the back of his mind. But every night, Johnny would return. He would inevitably come home; to his sister, to his team, to his family. To Reed.

If his objective had been to hide out in the living room, Johnny had beaten him to it. His brain told him just to walk away, to continue avoiding this… He was so tired of listening to his brain. It always offered him the smartest decision, and yet he always ended up miserable. He was moving into the room before he made a real decision anyway. Johnny at least looked tranquil, which would have to be a first since this whole thing began. Reed slowly entered and sighed, gently resting a knee onto the couch next to him and leaning over carefully to pluck the headphones away from his neck. Johnny slightly mumbled and whimpered, and Reed purposefully resisted a small smile, reaching down cautiously to turn off the headset that was screaming obscure and morbid lyrics out into the air around them. The minute the music shut off, Johnny's eyes drew open, clouded and unwitting as they stared up at the ceiling.

Reed eyed him nervously and timidly set the headphones down into Johnny's lap. "…S…sorry…" he spoke quietly, trying not to alarm him.

Johnny's eyes traveled to Reed's face from where his head was reclined, unblinking.

"I uh…I just thought maybe you'd sleep better with them off…" Reed swallowed uncomfortably and looked down.

Johnny took a slow breath in, immobilized by their proximity. "…Oh." He whispered in a croak. "…Thanks."

"Yeah. Sure." Reed nodded, readying himself to draw away.

"S-so what are you doing?" Johnny lifted his head and glanced over Reed quickly.

Reed looked back at him and paused. "…Nothing, I guess. Just…you know…hanging around. Why?"

"I don't know, I guess I was just wondering if you…y-you're not going out anywhere?"

Reed smirked and shook his head. "We can't all have social lives as tireless as yours."

Johnny fiddled with his headset for a minute in his lap before responding. "Right."

"You okay?" Reed asked warily as he stood up.

"Sure. Fine." Johnny answered mechanically. No jokes, no wit, no personality. Reed hated it.

"Alright then." Reed offered another nod and walked back out of the room.

"Reed—" Johnny suddenly called just as Reed made it to the door.

Reed stopped of course, turning back. "…Yeah?"

Johnny had a hand held up in the air, but he quickly placed it to the back of his neck, clearing his throat. "…Well…maybe I'm not so good, okay? God—let's stop the damn charade." He sighed loudly and collapsed back on the couch.

Reed felt a good sixty pounds tumble off of his shoulders. "…Sure. You…want to talk about this?"

"No." Johnny quipped. "But it beats the Hell out of _not_ talking about it."

Reed looked around and plodded back over to the couch, slowly sitting again. "…Look Johnny—"

"No, _you_ look." Johnny snorted. "…You said if I left, it would only make things worse. Reed…my sister hardly even talks to me now. She just gives me that look, you know?"

"Yeah, I know that look." Reed grimaced and scratched his chin.

"This isn't like the usual thing where she has a tantrum and throws something at my head. Or hits me. Or takes all my underwear and throws it in the wash with something red—it's…this is bad. And I can't even look at the rock head anymore. I know what's coming."

"Ben wouldn't make fun of you for this, Johnny, he wouldn't hit that low…" Reed attempted.

"Well why shouldn't he?" Johnny rubbed an arm and ran a hand over his head. "It's that, and…whatever it is with you. Can't even talk to you without feeling like a jerk. …How is it better for anyone, huh superman? We're not 'dealing' with anything here, whatever that means. We're just covering it up, and it's stupid, okay? I don't wanna deal with this crap anymore."

Reed was sure that his heart was in his stomach at the moment. He'd been pining over his own problems, but Johnny was the one that really got hurt. What the Hell was he doing to this family, anyway? Did they have any cousins he could morally scar? "…You're not sleeping."

Johnny didn't reply for a long while, but rigidly shook his head after a moment of contemplation. "Neither are you."

It seemed to be an arbitrary observation, but it silenced the both of them. It was just one of those secrets they had all supposed it best not to talk about, or at least pretend wasn't true. "Nope…" Reed sighed. "…did…Sue really turn your underwear pink?"

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Just the one time…"

Reed momentarily put the panic out of his mind that Sue had round the clock access to his laundry. "The important thing is that she still wants you around. She always will, you know that."

"Sometimes I think that's the problem." Johnny muttered. "…No matter what I do, she always keeps me around to screw up all over again. I should just do her a favor and duck out before she—"

"Would you stop talking about leaving?" Reed glared. "We can't be the Fantastic Three. …Not when you already took the liberty of emblemizing our suits."

"So get a dog."

"That's not funny."

Johnny looked up with an unhappy little hum. "You could be the Terrific Three."

"Johnny—"

"The Terrible Trio?"

"That isn't even—"

"Reed Richards and his Dynamite Duo."

"Would you knock it off?" Reed swiped him over the back of the head and Johnny grinned. Suddenly, in that small, aimless moment, it was the closest thing they had felt to normal in…well, since that very first night. In fact, it was the same room and the same couch…Reed straightened up and tried to look serious, but just as he opened his mouth to speak—lips cut him off.

…

When Johnny pulled off, Reed sat staring like an oil painting, wondering what he'd done to earn that.

Johnny gave a shuddering sigh and stared ahead at the wall out in front of him. "…Yeah. Okay. I lost count or whatever, but yeah, okay, that one was mine, I know."

"Johnny…" Reed began quietly.

"I _know_." The blonde huffed in exasperation. "But I can't help it…That's what makes it so damn hard."

"No, look, I—"

"I got it, okay? I'm out of here." Johnny angrily stood up.

"Johnny, damnit, you _wait_!" Reed barked, snatching Johnny around the middle and jerking him back down. He ended up more or less on Reed's lap, his headset just now loudly clattering to the floor. Johnny struggled a little, but slumped and simmered after a moment silently. Reed leaned his forehead against Johnny's shoulder blade in frustration. "…I pinned you once, I can do it again."

Johnny growled and settled.

Reed pushed him over back onto the couch, one of Johnny's legs still resting over his knees. "…Let me get a word in once in a while, would you?"

"I already know what you're gonna say, and I don't wanna sit through it." Johnny justified. No sooner had he said this than Reed was pressing another kiss to his cheek. It had become obvious that words had no effect on Johnny, who presently responded with a light gasp.

"So what am I going to say?" Reed raised an eyebrow as he broke off and rested a hand on the knee that was lying over his own.

Johnny blinked at stammered. "…I…"

_I got him to be quiet after all. If circumstances were different, Sue might be proud of me. _Reed thought absently. "First off, I think the count is at eleven. …Wait, what am I saying, that doesn't…anyway, there you go, trying to walk away again. Please, just calm down."

"You make it sound so easy." Johnny sneered. "Don't play these stupid games with me, alright? I'm not in a joking mood."

"You?" Reed repeated, unimpressed. "_You_ make jokes in the middle of a dead sleep. Anyway…we've known each other for a long time. We've been friends for just as long, I know that. But…you're probably right if you're thinking that we can't be friends anymore…"

"There. _That's_ what I knew you were going to say." Johnny nearly pouted.

It took a lot of effort for Reed to keep his voice level as he spoke next, nervous eyes searching the room around him. "But we're still on a team together, so we have to be able to get along. That's why I was sort of hoping…you might…you know…have those…other feelings for me. Still."

Johnny hesitated for a long moment and Reed noted with discomfort that his temperature rose a good deal. "…Are you _insane_?" Johnny asked simply.

"I guess I'd have to be." Reed nodded. "Johnny, it's the only way I can…that I can look at you now…God knows I'm sorry, but I can't ignore it. I've tried. And you know I'm not someone who gives up easily. I can't just think of you and write you off as Sue's annoying brother, I can't just see The Human Torch, or whatever it is all those fans of yours see. Is it that easy for you? What do you…what do you see me as?"

Johnny groaned loudly in complaint and sank face down into the couch, clawing at his head. "I hate you."

"I'd hate me too." Reed tossed up his hands a little.

"…How is this gonna work?" Johnny inquired hopelessly from muffling sofa cushions, eyes half closing.

"I don't know." Reed answered honestly. "…Some things…just do, if you give them a chance."

"…I'm still not gay…" Johnny grumbled and eyed down at his possibly broken CD player.

"I know. Me neither…" Reed said in a distant tone. It was quite the paradox about that. Neither of them was lying, but neither of them was exactly telling the truth, either.

"So then where does that leave us?"

"…Somewhere between madness and stupidity."

Johnny closed his eyes and exhaled. "…It's gonna be a _long_ time before Sue forgives us, you know…"

"I know."

"…Or before Ben stops giving us that look…"

"I know."

"Or before I can drink orange juice again…"

"I'll buy some apple juice." Reed took Johnny by the collar of his shirt and hauled him back upright into a sitting position. Johnny turned and embraced him roughly before he could go on to say anything else.

Reed slowly hugged back in surprise and let a somewhat flustered smile overtake him. He knew that things had to blow over eventually, as bad as they were and as bad as they could get from here. A man's only hope is to endure, after all.

In any case, the team would need Reed and Johnny more than ever two days later—when Sue and Ben both came down with a rather nasty case of the flu.

_fin_


End file.
